Sunday, June 21, 2009

Brewed Awakenings

That's the name of the little coffee shack I just passed. Brewed Awakenings. Earlier, I passed The Human Bean, and Bean There Done That. I guess that makes it official. Coffee shops have surpassed eyeglass stores and hair saloons as the biggest offenders in the 'how silly a name can you come up with for your business' race. Don't feel bad about this turn of events. I certainly don't. The hair and eyeglass outlets had a good long run. Who can forget Sheer Madness, For Your Eyes Only, Hair Today Gone Tomorrow, The Clip Joint, His And Hairs, Loose Ends, The Mane Event, A Cut Above, For Eyes, Specs Appeal and so on . Hey, if it weren't for these pun pioneers, there may never have been a Daily Grind, Brews Brothers, Common Grounds or Bean Around The World.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Population 0

Disney likes to sing, "It's a small world" but I think Steven Wright was closer to the truth when he quipped, "It's a small world. But I'd hate to have to paint it." Melanie and I just returned from a road trip that took us from Sisters, Oregon to Boise, Salt Lake City, Aspen, Colorado Springs, Santa Fe, Taos, Moab, Provo and back home again. But what stood out during this 60 hour plus driving epic wasn't the cities and people along the way but, instead, the incredibly vast and unpopulated spaces that still make up the American west. Speaking conservatively (and I rarely do), I would have to say that for about 50 of those hours there wasn't a single house or person to been seen in any direction outside our windows. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Just land, land and more land. I guess what I'm trying to say is, go ahead and have all the unprotected, whiskey fueled, Bristol Palin crazed-monkey sex you want.  There's plenty of room.

Monday, June 8, 2009


On a recent road trip Melanie and I were driving through New Mexico and we were out in the middle of nowhere when we drove by a sign that read "Bump". 
A bit farther down the road we passed another sign that read "Bump".  And then we hit the bump. It was just a small depression in the road, nothing major at all. But it got me wondering. At some point two guys had to get in a truck, drive to wherever they store the "Bump" signs, load them in the truck, stop for a danish and coffee, drive out to where the bump was, mix cement, dig a hole, put the sign in, put the other sign in and go home. Why didn't they just fix the bump?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Please Don't Tell Melanie

I'm in love. I didn't plan it, it just happened. I was at a beautiful Japanese spa in Santa Fe called Ten Thousand Waves and decided to get a private soaking room before my massage. When I walked into the room, there she was. Small, with delicate porcelain features.  Her name was Toto.  She was a toilet but not just any toilet. To be honest, up until now, my relationships with toilets have been pretty one dimensional. You know what I mean. But this was different. Toto seemed to know what I wanted, sometimes before I even knew I wanted it. Sure, she did all the obvious stuff, the things you expect but there was so much more. Push one button and her lid went up and down. Push a button for a big flush, push another for a small flush. And that's when things really started to get interesting. Push the right button and Toto would also shoot a spray of warm water... well...I'm not one to kiss and tell.  Sometimes the warm water would oscillate, sometimes it would pulse.  I never knew and, frankly, I didn't care. At this point I was too far gone.  And when it was all over, Toto would blow dry everything.  She even had a tiny built-in sink that would come on automatically.  What love, what consideration, what ecstasy.  Isn't that what a relationship is all about.